39 things I know at 39

Life lessons on outgrowing the scared kid inside, body peace and finding true serenity

Truthfully, my life is nowhere near what I thought, hoped, dreamed it would look like at this point in my life. And yet, I’ve never been happier or more myself.

Yesterday, I turned 39.

When I woke up in my new bed - next to my fiancé, in our new home, in a new country - I felt a deep sense of serenity. I’m not big into celebrating my birthday anymore, but it does give me the chance to reflect on the year that’s come full circle and the one that’s ahead.

I saw a memory on Facebook from 2 years ago where I said that I still felt like the shy, scared 9-year old inside. I’m happy to say that I am far away from that 9-year old today and I think I was even then, but I wasn’t aware of it just yet.

So, 39, one year off from the big 40 and life’s better than it’s ever been.

Which is funny because hardly any of my BIG LUSCIOUS DREAMS have manifested into reality. I could be spending this day, disappointed, heartbroken even, about all the twists and turns that never shaped into my wildest visions.

And a few years ago, I might have.

Today though? Today, I celebrate everything that did happen: all the magical, seemingly random, but totally fateful experiences I’ve created. Twists and turns I never could have seen coming. People and places the 37 year old me couldn’t even imagine.

I ask myself, is it really the outer circumstances or is it me that’s changed the way I look at things?

And that’s the beauty of life, isn’t it? We get to dream and hope and wish for all the things. We get to work for it, chase whatever it is, but ultimately, we’ll never know what the outcome will be or where life will take us.

When I turned 32, I wrote a list of lesson I’d learned up until that birthday. Now, at 39, here’s the list again - updated, rewritten and with 7 more lessons.

39 Lessons for 39 Years

1. If you want to have a great laugh, tell yourself exactly where you plan to be in five years. And then wait.

2. Being a mother is the wildest ride I could’ve ever… ahem, I was going to write “imagined”, but I couldn’t have imagined this at all.

3. Being my own kind of weird is perfectly fine. I can be weird even if I feel weird about being weird.

4. Things change. Even when the grief or the panic feels like a physical weight sitting on your chest that will never subside, it eventually lifts. Just like the phases of the moon, your experience wanes and waxes.

5. Running is a literal lifeline when your life is full and your brain is tired.

6. Go on the trip, take the challenge, do it even if your imposter syndrome is screaming. You’ll never regret chasing the experience over playing it safe.

7. There IS always enough time. Freaking out and vibrating with anxiety about a ticking clock has literally never solved a single situation.

8. Forgiveness is hard. So freaking hard. But allowing yourself to be gentler with your own mistakes is the only way to move towards a place of actual, lasting peace.

9. There are always more books to read and things to learn. You don’t have to consume everything by tomorrow to be worthy today.

10. Having a local, physical community of like-minded people you can actually touch and see is so freaking important.

11. Embrace your hobby, no matter the side-eyes. I ran for decades before it was trendy, braving the laughs and the disapproval, and those miles are exactly what eventually led me to my fiancé, my new home, and a whole new adventure.

12. Being an auntie is sooooo rewarding. It’s all the deep love with zero of the responsibility.

13. If you force yourself to physically look up from your phone, you’ll see something you were about to miss. Guaranteed.

14. Ice-cream is always better than cake, and I will fiercely die on this hill.

15. There are physical places on this earth where my soul just clicks into “home.” And the beauty is, you can always discover more of them.

16. The only real failure is entirely quitting on yourself. Everything else, the messy launches, the bad conversations, the missteps, is just practice. Keep practicing.

17. You can have a soul-deep connection with someone sitting on the exact opposite side of the world.

18. There is so much more good and everyday magic in this world than there is loud evil.

19. Dreams expire. Trust your own judgement on whether the “want” you had 10 years ago is still relevant today. We don’t owe our 20-something selves anything.

20. Family is everything, but you don’t have to swallow your truth just to keep the peace. It’s OK to leave the group chat or walk away from the table.

21. Kundalini Yoga always, always, always shifts my nervous system and transforms my energetic state.

22. When you feel lonely, rejected, or abandoned, that is the exact moment you need to reach out, instead of retreating into your shell.

23. My body isn’t a machine I need to punish anymore. Realizing I just want to feel energetic, strong and nourished in my own skin has changed my daily experience of life.

24. It’s completely okay that some friendships naturally expire. Someone can be vital to your twenties and not fit into your thirties, and it’s not a failure on either part.

25. I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel whole. But having the right partner is the absolute best icing on the cake!

26. Beauty physically feeds me. It’s OK to spend money on decorations just because they feel good. You don’t have to reject pretty things just because the media’s toxic “body beauty” ideal is garbage.

27. Giving up is sometimes exactly the right, most powerful step forward. Walking away from what isn’t meant for you is absolute freedom.

28. Be aggressively kind to your body. It is the only physical house you are guaranteed to live in for the rest of your life.

29. Riding a sudden creative wave is one of the most thrilling, intoxicating gifts you can give yourself.

30. You can absolutely take your heaviest limiting beliefs and reverse-engineer them into the engines that drive your most magnificent life.

31. Entering a relationship from a place of grounded independence is infinitely better than expecting another human to act as your missing puzzle piece (hint: they can’t).

32. Looking hard at your own money story is deeply uncomfortable. It might mean sweating while checking accounts and facing the numbers, but mastering it is the only way to long-term freedom.

33. No employer will ever spontaneously appreciate the work you do until you stand up, find your voice, and make them see exactly what you bring to the table.

34. Understanding my Human Design has been a massive, practical resource for navigating how I actually function in the real world.

35. Being a boy-mum is so much more emotionally complex than I ever thought. The mix of wrestling, swords, hair sorrows, and sudden, deep vulnerability is a wild ride. Sorry, boys! I was unprepared.

36. The absolute hardest part of motherhood is sitting with your child when they’re in pain. The most beautiful part is knowing you are the safe harbor they run to when they hurt.

37. In hindsight, even the most chaotic, devastating detours will eventually make perfect sense.

38. Losing a parent leaves a permanent void in the core of who you are. But it also gives you a guide on the other side.

39. Don’t take yourself so seriously. We are all nuts, some more than others, but nuts all the same. We’re all making it up as we go along, so we might as well make it fun while we’re here!

Looking back at this list, I realize just how much of my energy used to be wrapped up in forcing the timeline and gripping tightly to those “big luscious dreams.” I spent so much of my twenties and thirties thinking I was a failure because ‘nothing’ worked out the way I thought.

But sitting here on the edge of 40, I’m so happy to know that it was all exactly as it was supposed to happen. The serenity I felt waking up yesterday came from accepting that the messy, unpredictable, and beautiful reality of right now is so much better than having lived a “flawless” life.

Is getting older a way of shrugging off all the nonsense and focusing on what truly matters? What do you think?